DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Summaries of news story that made him Adela Davila Estelritz the Psychologist, Author and International Speaker Roberto Tirigall. Primera Hora newspaper in Puerto Rico, June 2008.
THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
He explained Roberto Tirigall that marital violence is characterized by occur, of course, among the members of the couple, but it affects also the spectators. " Among these, are not only children and / or immediate family, but other relatives, including friends and even neighbors who appreciate both. Therefore, the events of physical or verbal aggression in a couple overflow the limits of their environment and "cause stress, distress and anxiety in the viewer."
types of relationships
Tirigall also made except that the relationships or family ties can be of three types. "The assertive, expressing what he thinks, but always without attacking. Just stand up and say, 'I can not stand this,' "he said. The permissive, for its part, "I can say something to your partner, for example: 'This is not gustó' me," but the next day again the same. " In contrast, the authoritarian, always try to impose their opinion, even at the expense of other's welfare.
"Those who do not have control of his anger is because they can not be assertive," said the specialist, "can not express what is bothering them, can not say 'no'. It is therefore left with residual value, build up anger for not being authentic. But, if they were assertive, they would say: 'Talk to you later, now I have anger (anger). " And know would use their control mechanism, might think, feel and act appropriately, "he said.
Different kinds of aggression
The specialist also told us about the different types of aggression, usually identified in dysfunctional couples. "The four most popular are: physical, psychological, sexual and economic" listed.
Physics is, of course, the most obvious, as a black eye or a broken arm is not always easy to conceal. The psychological, however, leaves no trace apparent and must be well pending, to perceive. Some telltale signs are emotional changes and / or behavior of the person concerned. Sexual assault also occur in the privacy of the home of the couple, is usually more difficult to identify unless attacked dare to seek help or ask any confidence.
Finally, the economic control exercised over their spouses some austerity may be disguised and not easily recognizable by viewers.
Why did it happen?
"The main reasons" for the lack of respect in a partner, according to Tirigall, reflect that "there is a lack of mutual care and is a great feeling of insecurity," he said. Also, there is lack of awareness because "the members of the couples do not realize that there is an illness (the relationship). But can not stay mistreating can not go on like this for a long time, "he added.
Moreover, he said, ignorance should not be confused with lack of awareness. "Ignorance is not knowing how to handle the differences between the couple," he said. Therefore, some "do not know how to resolve (conflicts) if not violence."
On the other hand, we must not forget another very important factor that could influence the behavior of couples who are showing disrespect. This factor is the tendency to follow "a model idenfiticatorio. Like when (the one and / or other) are identified with (making) the previous generation. In other words, since children are identified with a pattern of abuse " psychologist reported. Ie large, mimic the behavior of their parents or other adults whose presence and their mode of action was significant.
Of course, the expert also mentioned that this type of analysis should contemplate the possibility that someone in the family suffers from alcoholism or drug addiction, because "both affect much on this," he said. "Alcohol releases the control consciousness of the unconscious and the unconscious projects what you have inside," he said. So if what we feel is an explosive anger, if we do not manage our impulses, on that emotion will be to act.
consequences
Besides the obvious reasons, these cycles of behavior is concerned to Tirigall because "the consequences can be severe. It could be serious injury or even murder. " In addition, both "both the abuser and the abused" are responsible for instances of aggression and abuse. "The two are involved," insists psychologist.
mention a few, the results of an abusive relationship and abuser, according to the specialist listed may be, inter alia, "mental health problems, anxiety, tension, anger, depression, besides the" concomitant somatic, when feelings are expressed physically. "
Thus we see that in couples with this type of relationship of the two-or even both, may have constant headaches, stomachaches or insomnia.
solutions
"The first thing to do is recognize (there is) a violent relationship.
Second, we must assume the responsibilities of this dysfunctional relationship.
Third, ask for professional support, for example, social service, psychological, psychiatric and legal, because this is a legal matter.
Fourth, it would be advisable to seek individual support and partner with professionals who specialize, just in relationships. "
More Tips practical
To avoid an argument between the couple becomes an aggressive conflict, the psychologist Robert Tirigall recommends:
Stop, take a moment to think the it easy.
Learning to do deep abdominal breathing before acting violently.
Make an effort to take the place of another and hear what he has to say, allowing explaining his point of view.
not interrupt another while speaking and not try to guess what is going to say.
Pass trial only on what really was said and not what we imagined it was going to say.
Learn to let go of toxic thoughts of aggression that come to mind.
If possible, try to replace the thoughts of aggression with thinking of goodwill and positivity.
Focus on thoughts rather than solving conflicts or problems.
Try not aggressively confront the other, of not going to crash.
Make an effort to better communicate your own ideas.
Leaving the prejudice and little signs of "you never" and "you always" because we only absolute lead to destructive behavior.
Trying to improve self-control of aggressive impulses.
Roberto Tirigall
Psychologist, Author and International Speaker
Psicomeditación Author of books, Psicobelleza
and Secrets of the Mind
Phone: (54-11) 4644-2562 Buenos Aires, Argentina
E-mail: robertotirigall@hotmail.com
Blogs: http://lossecretosdelamente.blogspot.com/
http://psicomeditacion.blogspot.com/
http://psicobelleza.blogspot . com /
http://sexoamorybelleza.blogspot.com/
