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CRIME TO LIVE IN LOVE

1) able to hear what you like our partner

Many times we believed we listen to the other, but to be honest, we only hear our own ideas. This makes it very difficult dialogue, leading us to fail to understand what we mean.

is very necessary to listen to what your partner says, momentarily leaving aside our own ideas. A fundamental condition is not to interrupt, allowing it to express themselves fully.

This will serve us, to realize what your partner likes. This is a good start, because when we do we like, we feel full and satisfied. One more full and satisfied with itself, can give your partner a lot more of herself. Therefore there is a feedback, where we do what we like and offer the best of us, our partners generating the same attitude.

2) honestly express how we feel and think

communication between partners has to have as a foundation, the ability to express our true feelings and thoughts.

the extent that we can show what happens to us openly, misunderstandings will be dissolving. Clearly communicate our feelings, it must be accompanied by respect for others. If we consider that to express some feeling can hurt your partner, is there another form of expression or strategy to speak. Sometimes it is better to say nothing, before expressing what we feel the wrong way, biding their time to communicate better.

3) Ask what we mean, avoid misunderstandings

often can be assertive or say clearly what they feel or think, but what we understand is not what we mean. It is essential to ask what do you mean? or what is your intention?

may well receive another form of explanation or communication, so we can understand.

demos not understood that we mean, since it can lead us to generate any unnecessary conflict.

Roberto Tirigall

Psychologist, Author and International Speaker

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Summaries of news story that made him Adela Davila Estelritz the Psychologist, Author and International Speaker Roberto Tirigall. Primera Hora newspaper in Puerto Rico, June 2008.

THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

He explained Roberto Tirigall that marital violence is characterized by occur, of course, among the members of the couple, but it affects also the spectators. " Among these, are not only children and / or immediate family, but other relatives, including friends and even neighbors who appreciate both. Therefore, the events of physical or verbal aggression in a couple overflow the limits of their environment and "cause stress, distress and anxiety in the viewer."

types of relationships

Tirigall also made except that the relationships or family ties can be of three types. "The assertive, expressing what he thinks, but always without attacking. Just stand up and say, 'I can not stand this,' "he said. The permissive, for its part, "I can say something to your partner, for example: 'This is not gustó' me," but the next day again the same. " In contrast, the authoritarian, always try to impose their opinion, even at the expense of other's welfare.

"Those who do not have control of his anger is because they can not be assertive," said the specialist, "can not express what is bothering them, can not say 'no'. It is therefore left with residual value, build up anger for not being authentic. But, if they were assertive, they would say: 'Talk to you later, now I have anger (anger). " And know would use their control mechanism, might think, feel and act appropriately, "he said.

Different kinds of aggression

The specialist also told us about the different types of aggression, usually identified in dysfunctional couples. "The four most popular are: physical, psychological, sexual and economic" listed.

Physics is, of course, the most obvious, as a black eye or a broken arm is not always easy to conceal. The psychological, however, leaves no trace apparent and must be well pending, to perceive. Some telltale signs are emotional changes and / or behavior of the person concerned. Sexual assault also occur in the privacy of the home of the couple, is usually more difficult to identify unless attacked dare to seek help or ask any confidence.

Finally, the economic control exercised over their spouses some austerity may be disguised and not easily recognizable by viewers.

Why did it happen?

"The main reasons" for the lack of respect in a partner, according to Tirigall, reflect that "there is a lack of mutual care and is a great feeling of insecurity," he said. Also, there is lack of awareness because "the members of the couples do not realize that there is an illness (the relationship). But can not stay mistreating can not go on like this for a long time, "he added.

Moreover, he said, ignorance should not be confused with lack of awareness. "Ignorance is not knowing how to handle the differences between the couple," he said. Therefore, some "do not know how to resolve (conflicts) if not violence."

On the other hand, we must not forget another very important factor that could influence the behavior of couples who are showing disrespect. This factor is the tendency to follow "a model idenfiticatorio. Like when (the one and / or other) are identified with (making) the previous generation. In other words, since children are identified with a pattern of abuse " psychologist reported. Ie large, mimic the behavior of their parents or other adults whose presence and their mode of action was significant.

Of course, the expert also mentioned that this type of analysis should contemplate the possibility that someone in the family suffers from alcoholism or drug addiction, because "both affect much on this," he said. "Alcohol releases the control consciousness of the unconscious and the unconscious projects what you have inside," he said. So if what we feel is an explosive anger, if we do not manage our impulses, on that emotion will be to act.

consequences

Besides the obvious reasons, these cycles of behavior is concerned to Tirigall because "the consequences can be severe. It could be serious injury or even murder. " In addition, both "both the abuser and the abused" are responsible for instances of aggression and abuse. "The two are involved," insists psychologist.

mention a few, the results of an abusive relationship and abuser, according to the specialist listed may be, inter alia, "mental health problems, anxiety, tension, anger, depression, besides the" concomitant somatic, when feelings are expressed physically. "

Thus we see that in couples with this type of relationship of the two-or even both, may have constant headaches, stomachaches or insomnia.

solutions

 "The first thing to do is recognize (there is) a violent relationship.

 Second, we must assume the responsibilities of this dysfunctional relationship.

 Third, ask for professional support, for example, social service, psychological, psychiatric and legal, because this is a legal matter.

 Fourth, it would be advisable to seek individual support and partner with professionals who specialize, just in relationships. "

More Tips practical

To avoid an argument between the couple becomes an aggressive conflict, the psychologist Robert Tirigall recommends:

 Stop, take a moment to think the it easy.

 Learning to do deep abdominal breathing before acting violently.

 Make an effort to take the place of another and hear what he has to say, allowing explaining his point of view.

 not interrupt another while speaking and not try to guess what is going to say.

 Pass trial only on what really was said and not what we imagined it was going to say.

 Learn to let go of toxic thoughts of aggression that come to mind.

 If possible, try to replace the thoughts of aggression with thinking of goodwill and positivity.

 Focus on thoughts rather than solving conflicts or problems.

 Try not aggressively confront the other, of not going to crash.

 Make an effort to better communicate your own ideas.

 Leaving the prejudice and little signs of "you never" and "you always" because we only absolute lead to destructive behavior.

 Trying to improve self-control of aggressive impulses.

Roberto Tirigall

Psychologist, Author and International Speaker

Psicomeditación Author of books, Psicobelleza

and Secrets of the Mind

Phone: (54-11) 4644-2562 Buenos Aires, Argentina

E-mail: robertotirigall@hotmail.com

Blogs: http://lossecretosdelamente.blogspot.com/
http://psicomeditacion.blogspot.com/
http://psicobelleza.blogspot . com /
http://sexoamorybelleza.blogspot.com/

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Learn to forget that love

Remove of mind that love impossible

Some suggestions that may help:

1) strive not to forget.

The more we try to forget something, the more we remember. That is why the effort to get us something of the mind leads to greater suffering.

is necessary to let the thoughts and images running on the mind without trying to modify them or change them. When not fighting or resisting the thoughts, they gradually begin to fade. It is essential to take the witness stand or detached observer of our thoughts and feelings.

2) Learning close a situation allows us to open new ones

Suppose now decided to send an email to a cousin who lives in the U.S.. Start writing the mail, but the phone rings and I start to talk to that person. Soon the mind will tell me the end of the mail it was sending to my cousin. This happens because the mind does not like having things to do. In this case not to have something pending and close the situation, I can decide to end the mail that had begun to write and send, or I can not send it. Either decision to take leave nothing pending.

situations Close could mean

- Tell other what they really think and feel, leaving nothing outstanding.

- Realizing that the relationship we had was very toxic. This will allow us to end this relationship.

3) Release the past to live here and now

often we tend to relive past situations or anticipate imaginatively

a future that has not yet been produced.

Remember that the most important thing is to live here

and now.

it is very necessary to put full attention to what we do.

For example if we enjoy breakfast breakfast

without letting the thoughts move us away from this .

more attention you put this much less us

affect past and our imagination about the future.

4) be alone for a while can help us realize what we really want

The loneliness can help us become aware of who we are and what we really want in life.

is important to know that we want to put all our energies into that.

5) Remember that everything changes and nothing is permanent.

Nothing stays permanently. Everything is constantly changing. All does not change is change.

So we need to accept changes in our lives, just as we accept that the day becomes night or a sunny day on a rainy day.

Roberto Tirigall

Psychologist, Author and International Speaker

http://lossecretosdelamente.blogspot.com/

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What is Psicobelleza?

Sharing holistic and inclusive vision of the person, my wife Viviana and I joined many years working from the psychology and Beauty, to improve the quality of human life. In this particular merger, the call "Psicobelleza," a concept that involves understanding the person from two areas: the Extrapiel (skin out = body) and the intrapelvic (skin inward psyche or psyche = .) What is continuously in contact with the outside world is the Extrapiel, while intrapelvic is linked to the inner world. Both are fully interconnected, thus forming a mutual feedback.

The Psicobelleza symbolizes for us a way of life, that is why we consider five ideas or concepts that I cite in my first book, Psicomeditación, as the most important indicators to achieve harmony in our daily lives. Then develop the five concepts:

1 - The Importance of what we eat

are what you eat

usually are not aware of how we eat or what kind of food we eat. A careful observation of ourselves, we will reflect on the consequences of indiscriminate intake is for our body. The two power supplies in our brain are the oxygen that we get in the act of breathing, and glucose, we receive through food intake.

2 - Proper breathing

breathe is to live. This ancient truth deserves to be transmitted. Do not pay attention to how we breathe, unless we have some problems with the airways.

is important to note that there are four types of breathing: Breathing

High

clavicular breathing is also known due to the use of the top of our chest breathing. Some will call "breathing collar", as is typical of women than to breathe the top of his chest a movement below the neck, specifically in the area often drop the collar. This breath is the worst of all, due to poor oxygenation that occurs.

Media or Intercostal Breathing

The average breathing more characteristic of man. In this type of breathing, the oxygen input is a bit higher than high. It differs from previous exerted by the movement of the rib cage.

shallow breathing or Ventral

another name is diaphragmatic breathing. considerably exceeds to high and the average or intercostal , due to incorporation of greater amount of oxygen, resulting in a "massage" in the organs and viscera. This breathing is ideal for good psychosomatic relaxation. When we breathe (always through the nose), try to keep a slight tension on the abdominal muscles, taking air into our abdomen, and then to exhale (if we do it through the nose, we will relax more easily) muscles contract abdominal, relaxing the diaphragm. A common mistake is to try to inflate the abdomen like a ball. So when we inhale with muscular tension, we avoid over-inflating. This breathing is highly recommended by health professionals to relax the nervous system.

Complete Breath

is the best of the four types of breathing, because it uses the total lung capacity and for this reason the body gets the greatest benefit. Also known as Yogi Complete Breath and manages to integrate the three types of breaths above, involving more organs and viscera in the respiratory process, resulting in better performance and harmonization psychophysics.

3 - The Daily Fitness

is very beneficial body movement. Hatha Yoga, for example, produces more bone and muscle flexibility. This type of yoga emphasizes physical appearance or body, but also helps in the mental part. We work with positions called "asanas," which somehow allow greater flexibility in body. The Orientals often say that the age of a person is related the flexibility of its spine. Thus, the more flexible we are, we will be younger. The relationship is simple: when a baby is born has a lot of flexibility. If we raise a newborn will see to it shakes head everywhere. This move speaks of life, because life is flexible. However, when a person dies we see the rigor mortis, the person is completely hard. This analogy is interesting because it shows us that when we are rigid, we are old; dead. And this applies not only to look body but also mental, as rigid or narrow-minded, is also dead.

recommend that each person chooses the physical discipline with which you feel most comfortable. Any type of gymnastics that is in accordance with what we need and desire is that we serve. The need is related to the biological or what the body requires. For example, thirst is a necessity and is satisfied by drinking water. But when I want a drink given and no other, we're talking about desire and is linked to the psychological.

Our body or "meat house" is the instrument or the environment that facilitates the expression of who we are at all times. By this we mean that no body could not express the different moods we go through daily. Therefore, mind or body and mind and body are like two sides of same coin. What you feel in the mind is manifested in the body and vice versa.

4 - Positive Thinking

Positive thoughts are characterized by giving us more benefits, not only in the area of \u200b\u200bhealth, but in all aspects of our life. The ideas are conscious or unconscious representations that produce many of our behaviors. The mind is a kind of zoo. The animals that inhabit it are the thoughts and some of them are extremely dangerous. It is imperative perceive dangerous or destructive thoughts do not get caught in them. As explained in the book Psicomeditación there are thoughts that are highly toxic and resemble, to be dangerous, what could be a black mamba, one of the world's most poisonous snakes. If by chance we encountered a black mamba, surely we would do anything to keep us under. Similarly it is essential to perceive the thoughts that have certain toxicity to drop or leave and do not identify with them. This will will not entangle ourselves with toxic or poisonous thoughts that we will inevitably lead to unnecessary suffering.

5 - Meditation

We believe that meditation is as important as breathing and eating. For us, meditation is the ability to still our minds, "talkative" or "mad monkey", the speaking voice in our head. Thus, both body and mind find their own harmony. It is necessary to take time daily to meditate and go into the depths of our being. Many people often say they do not have time to meditate, but this is an excuse. The day has 1440 minutes, so if we do not really not even 15 minutes a day to meditate, which represent 1 percent of the day, it's time to ask: What is going on with our lives?

There are various techniques of meditation, and through experiential perception get find the one that best suits our personality. Note that experiential perception refers to when the person realizes what he is living in the here and now, contrary to experience, that has to do with events that occurred in the past.

say then, that there is an inextricable link between body-mind and mind-body. Therefore, any changes we produce in our outer or extrapiel, act or intrapelvic within us, just as any internal modification or intrapelvic have an effect on our appearance.

Viviana Accornero, and Roberto Tirigall

authored the book Psicobelleza